2014 was the year my life started to turn around. I’ll tell you why.
The year started out very roughly. My dad, whom I hadn’t seen since I left the Philippines 7 years back, passed away. I remember receiving the news: I was on a slow, dinner shift at Olive Garden, scheduled to close.
When I went on my break halfway through the shift, I had some missed calls and a voicemail from my older sister. The break room was noisy, so I went to the staff restroom and put the phone on my ear.
I had a strong feeling of what it was about. My sister would never call, leave a voicemail to call her back. I knew.
So when I pressed “end” on the call with her, I quietly walked back to the break room table. I remember feeling numb. I didn’t cry. I felt nothing. My dad was my hero growing up, why wasn’t I crying?
My lead for the night must have noticed, because she asked what was wrong. Next thing I knew, she was grabbing her purse, telling my co-worker he had to stay and close for me, and him not questioning or complaining. I just remembered the concerned look on his face and telling me not to worry about it, that he’s got it, as I walked out the building. I never got to thank that guy for taking over for me that night.
My lead then drove through the empty downtown streets, even running a red light on accident. She said, “oops that was a red light, wasn’t it”. I tried to laugh, but nothing came out.
I remember her giving me a hug, and telling me to call her for anything.
I walked into my apartment – the one I had moved into a year prior, after my old roommate’s fiancé came home from the army and stole her from me.
I switched the light on, suddenly confused as to why I was home. What was me being home alone going to do? My father was halfway across the world. My sisters were in different cities. I was alone here. Why did they take me home?
It didn’t hit me until I texted my closest friend, of all people, not really sure what I was trying to get out of it. I remember sitting on the floor next to my bed, hitting send. She called immediately, crying, saying we didn’t even get to pray for his soul. It was then that I sobbed in a fetal position until I fell asleep.
The days after were a blur. I was excused from showing up to either job, “as long as I needed”. Everyone at church knew, even sending an envelope with cash put together by the brethren, along with messages and notes on comfort.
I received phone calls from members of the “big” church, coming all the way from other states, praying for me over the phone. That quickly got maddening for some reason, so I stopped answering. I just remember feeling irritated. Who are these people? Why are they calling me? How are these prayers supposed to help?
Weeks passed, then months. The world had moved on.
I still worked part-time as a marketing intern for a small wholesale company, and part-time hosting at Olive Garden. Neither one offered me any benefits. I started to feel resentful, even bitter. It all felt so unfulfilling.
Towards the last quarter of the year, my younger sister moved in with me to attend the same university I did years prior. It was a last resort thing for her.
Her financial aid wasn’t going to get approved in time to be able to live on campus. Since she was a first-year, she could only live off-campus if with a close relative.
By this time I had just moved into another apartment that I managed to get for $550 a month, compared to the $700+ one that I could no longer afford, so it was just ‘okay’ and what you would expect for that price. I was working two part-time jobs so I was able to manage just enough on my own.
Without a second thought, I told her of course she could come live with me. It all happened so fast, one day it was just me and then she was here the next.
I worked, she went to school full time. Despite our very modest and busy life, on days we had off we had fun and grew even closer together. It was nice to have company for once. To have those deep conversations again that I could only have with my sisters and cousins.
One night, I remember coming home and telling my sister how overwhelmed I was with everything I needed to do. I don’t even remember whatever it was.
She suggested making a checklist. And then she said maybe doing yoga and meditation to clear my head too. That made me turn to her. Yoga and meditation? What the heck was that? Tell me more, I said.
Then she shared a YouTube channel of a yoga teacher for beginners. This idea intrigued me, so the next time I had a day off, I decided to try it out.
I felt so silly doing this, but thankfully the apartment was empty as my sister was in school. No one could see how much I struggled with the poses on this yoga mat I borrowed from her.
Next thing I knew, I was making this a daily practice. I even did a yoga every day challenge. If it just wasn’t possible to practice on a mat, I did a 2-5 minute meditation on my bus ride to work instead.
Yoga became a big part of my lifestyle over the next several years. I took up yoga classes at a gym. Wherever there was someone teaching yoga somewhere in town, I was there with my mat. At the very least, I practiced on my mat at home.
I enjoyed the physical benefits of the practice. In fact, 3 years after that first day on my sister’s mat in the living room, when I decided I was joining the military, Chaturanga Dandasana was the pose responsible for helping me to be able to do push-ups. I couldn’t even do one push-up before, and by the time I joined the military, I was pumping out 20s in a minute, all thanks to yoga.
[PS: I wrote about how and why I decided to join the military in my mid-20s here.]
As much as I liked the physical strength I’ve gained, it was the mental aspect of yoga that ultimately changed the way I lived my life.
For the first time in my life, I was going inward. Listening to myself, getting to know myself, and figuring out what it was that I wanted.
For as long as I’ve lived I have been a people-pleaser, always making sure I made everyone happy, often at my own expense. Smile and nod, right?
Yoga helped me to tune out the noise. To be comfortable in absolute stillness. To go back inward, to return to myself whenever I felt lost or overwhelmed. It became my side arm.
For the succeeding years, with regularly practicing meditation through yoga, I got to know myself better. I got into the world of self-improvement, listening to podcasts and reading books. I learned for the first time that I can stop letting life happen to me. Instead, I can help create the life I wanted, which was a mind-blowing concept to me.
Through quieting my thoughts in yoga, my life became a snowball. I was able to manifest a more secure job at the credit union, from which I met one of my best friends, and learned everything I needed to learn about finances.
I got into an unexpected relationship [albeit that ended and taught me hard lessons more than anything, haha].
Through yoga and meditation, along with the other self-growth practices I got into, I started believing in myself and challenging what I was capable of. It led me to join the military, a place I never thought I’d see myself in, where I was tested physically and mentally. It was here that I learned to go all the way down to my roots and met myself for who I truly was.
It was there that I developed technical and leadership skills, uncovered and lived out my core values, and ultimately learned to listen to my heart and follow it.
From there, I met my husband, achieved better financial situation for the first time in my life, started a family, and now, 11 years later, writing for you. I like to believe that I am living a life of purpose.
I am so grateful to my sister for introducing me to yoga 11 years ago. Yoga was my stepping stone in my journey to self-growth, and a big reason for why I am who I am today.
I hope this post about how yoga changed my life inspired you in some way.
